A modest proposal for solving the Isla Calero mess

The Isla Calero and the international border dispute will be popping in and out of the news now for years, and each time there will be a healthy fee for lawyers.

Costa Rica needs to come up with a more economical way to handle the situation.

At first glance, the quickest way to solve the problem would be to sell the land to Nicaragua. Now it is possible that courts might determine Costa Rica doesn’t really own the land. But that has not stopped sellers in Costa Rica in the past.

Even better, Costa Rica could sell the land to Nicaragua and then use the services of some of the many crooked notaries here and steal the land back with the stroke of a criminal pen.

Even better than that, Costa Rica could sell the land to Israel. There is a people who know how to safeguard their territory, and then some. Tel Aviv would love to have a nice base on the Caribbean, particularly since Iran is sneaking around and setting up shop all over Latin America.

Just about anyone would make more use of the land than Costa Rica has. Someone with a good eye for tourism would recognize that there are world record mosquitoes there, and North American sportsmen pay big bucks to mount a record specimen on the wall. Not to mention the mosquito races and mosquito rodeos.

Everyone thinks that Nicaragua’s Daniel Ortega wants to construct a new mouth for the Río San Juan so he sent soldier and workmen with shovels to excavate a trench. The truth is that he was following up on tales of hidden pirate treasure in the soggy wetlands. He was hoping to use the loot to finance his next presidential campaign now that his buddy Hugo Chávez has seen the writing on the wall in the Mideast and is stashing the bulk of his oil revenues in Switzerland.

With the glacial speed of the International Court of Justice, a final decision on the Isla Calero situation probably is 10 to 15 years in the future. The trouble is that the river has a mind of its own, and by the time the wigged justices in The Hague make a decision, the river could have moved 10 miles in any direction.

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