The search for the perfect embassy vehicle began decades ago with a secret State Department project in the desert of Arizona. This is the effort that culminated in the U.S Embassy’s recent purchase here of a Japanese electric car.
Alas, the Arizona project failed because most diplomats weigh more than 24 pounds and are
not furry. They also have an aversion to running into canyon walls or Mack trucks.
Benjamin Franklin’s misadventure with a sedan chair while on a diplomatic mission to France also short circuited that method.
The plan was to develop a means of transportation that was secure, reliable and economical. Hence the tuk tuks that were a mainstay of the diplomate fleet for years in Asia.
Unfortunately the State Department’s rush to oneness with nature suffered several setbacks with the arrival of a procession of cowboy mentalities in Washington, D.C. A white Lincoln convertible is not exactly considered ecofriendly these days.
Recent philosophical changes in the State Department caused the rejection of some possible alternatives. Roller skates, while generating exercise also generate the dreaded carbon dioxide from the lungs of the users. For the same reason horses were again rejected, even when used with carriages.
The search for green vehicular transportation became more intense with the arrival of a similarly minded administration on the Potomac. There was a presumed heavy reliance on Al Gore’s slide show that denigrated breathing.
The reliable and diminutive Coco taxis in Havana, Cuba, were rejected outright because they are, well, Communist.
So the U.S. Embassy turned to electric vehicles, presumably to be accompanied by an escort of black Chevrolet Suburbans. The current one is a $43,000 fully electric Mitsubishi MIEV. Still, some budget conscious types at Foggy Bottom Centro are still evaluating the U.S. road-approved electric tuk tuk.
And the real tight-fisted ones have not given up on their push for a pedicab. Yet these still produce that dreaded carbon dioxide.
Still in the works is a secret U.S. Navy project to teleport diplomats to their various cocktail parties and receptions so there will be no need for heavily armored tuk tuks.