Here’s a quiz for non-gardening spouses

The following is a quiz for the non-gardener in the family. Please note that some (all right, pretty much all) are directed at gentlemen (due to my experience with  Metric Man) and some are non-specific.

1. There you are, comfortably watching the game, beer in on hand, peanuts in a bowl by your side when your gardening spouse comes in and says, “Honey, can you give me a hand for a minute?”  You should:

a.) ask, “can it wait until half-time?”
b.) say, “my back is still out”
c.) ask “is it raining?”
d.) jump and say “anything you need, m’love”

2. You arrive home and find dirt all over the floor and kitchen countertops. You should:

a.) sigh and grab a cleaning cloth
b.) sigh and yell “clean-up in aisle four”
c.) cuss under your breath and stomp out
d.) grab some wine and go watch a movie.

3.The cost of your gardening spouse’ new project keeps rising. You should:

a.) never, ever mention it
b.) promise not to calculate the cost of a home-grown tomato if she
promises not  to calculate the cost of the fish you just caught,
c.) sigh and grab a beer,
d.) a and c.

4. Your spouse appears upset about the damage the dog has caused in the new flower bed. You should:

a.) say “well, I hope he’s not too dirty”
b.) offer to help repair the damage (if you can just find your gloves)
c.) give your spouse a big hug and a beer
d.) never mind the hug, just hand over the beer.

5. You’re on your way home on the Pan-American Highway, and have finally passed that long, long, long line of trucks, when your spouse says, “Let’s stop at that little vivero ahead.”  You should:

a.) grip the wheel and put your foot on the gas
b.) pretend sudden deafness (and put your foot on the gas)
c.) cuss under your breath (and put your foot on the gas)
d.) paste a fake smile on your face, say, “of course, dear,” and pull
over (maybe they have beer?)

6. Your spouse brings home four bags of fresh (and I do mean fresh) manure. One of the bags breaks in the driveway. You should:

a.) make yourself scarce
b.) sigh and yell “clean-up in aisle four”
c.) put a clothespin on your nose, grab a beer and get a shovel
d.) wonder why this stuff always happens on the gardener’s day off.

Well, we can all see that these are trick questions and that most of the answers i nvolve something that contains alcohol. Am I going to tell you which answers are correct???  Nah. Ask your gardening spouse.torleyheader062314

1. There you are, comfortably watching the game, beer in on hand, peanuts in a bowl by your side when your gardening spouse comes in and says, “Honey, can you give me a hand for a minute?”  You should:

a.) ask, “can it wait until half-time?”
b.) say, “my back is still out”
c.) ask “is it raining?”
d.) jump and say “anything you need, m’love”

2. You arrive home and find dirt all over the floor and kitchen countertops. You should:

a.) sigh and grab a cleaning cloth
b.) sigh and yell “clean-up in aisle four”
c.) cuss under your breath and stomp out
d.) grab some wine and go watch a movie.

3.The cost of your gardening spouse’ new project keeps rising. You should:

a.) never, ever mention it
b.) promise not to calculate the cost of a home-grown tomato if she
promises not  to calculate the cost of the fish you just caught,
c.) sigh and grab a beer,
d.) a and c.

4. Your spouse appears upset about the damage the dog has caused in the new flower bed. You should:

a.) say “well, I hope he’s not too dirty”
b.) offer to help repair the damage (if you can just find your gloves)
c.) give your spouse a big hug and a beer
d.) never mind the hug, just hand over the beer.

5. You’re on your way home on the Pan-American Highway, and have finally passed that long, long, long line of trucks, when your spouse says, “Let’s stop at that little vivero ahead.”  You should:

a.) grip the wheel and put your foot on the gas
b.) pretend sudden deafness (and put your foot on the gas)
c.) cuss under your breath (and put your foot on the gas)
d.) paste a fake smile on your face, say, “of course, dear,” and pull
over (maybe they have beer?)

6. Your spouse brings home four bags of fresh (and I do mean fresh) manure. One of the bags breaks in the driveway. You should:

a.) make yourself scarce
b.) sigh and yell “clean-up in aisle four”
c.) put a clothespin on your nose, grab a beer and get a shovel
d.) wonder why this stuff always happens on the gardener’s day off.

Well, we can all see that these are trick questions and that most of the answers i nvolve something that contains alcohol. Am I going to tell you which answers are correct???  Nah. Ask your gardening spouse.
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