Beauty tips for the lady who gardens

Manicure: a cosmetic beauty treatment for the fingernails and hands performed at home or in a salon. Right. Does it include heavy duty torleyheader062314sandblasting for dirt under the nails.

Hairstyle: a style of cutting, arranging, or combing the hair; hairdo; coiffure. Sure. Does that include wet-out-of-the-shower-blown-by-the-wind and maybe full of pieces of leaves?

Cosmetics: a powder, lotion,
lipstick, rouge, or other preparation for beautifying the face, skin, hair, nails, etc. HAHAHA! The plants don’t seem to care if we come out all bare-faced so why should we?

There are gardeners and there are gardeners. The first kind dons protective gloves, picks up the clippers, puts on a hat, and goes out to trim the rosebushes and pull a weed here and there. The second kind, the industrial gardener, dons two pairs of protective gloves, boots, and a hat, gathers eye protection, bug spray, a shovel, a saw, branch loppers (newly sharpened), pruning shears, plops them all in a wheelbarrow along with the fertilizer bags, and heads out for the morning.

We are out there for almost four hours, digging, lopping, digging, moving logs, digging . . . .  The latex gloves have holes in them after the first round of digging, but our hands are so sweaty we don’t notice. The next three hours, dirt is making its way through the outer gloves and clogging up under our nails. Wonderful. Our “hairstyle” is the plastered-down look that only perspiration and a funky hat can achieve. (The hat is no foo-foo affair with flowers. We prefer a brimmed cap with a nice long neck flap. After all, we are out there a long time.) As for cosmetics, well, makeup might start on the face but it would end up somewhere around the collar bone. It would be a smear of powder and mascara where it doesn’t belong.

When we drag in from our labors, exhausted and drenched with sweat, all we care about is something cold to drink (think something tall, chilled, and alcoholic) and a long shower that puts the soil back in the garden where it belongs. A light lunch, a dip in the pool, and a session in the hammock and we are ready for anything.

If we promise to clean our nails, arrange our hair, and wear some cosmetics, will you take us out to dinner? Please?

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