My husband, Metric Man, says it’s about time I gave him credit for all the strange odors and activities he has had to put up with over the years.
“What do you mean?” asked I, innocently. “These are just normal gardening smells.” So here is his list of complaints.
“The microwave oven is not for dirt, it is for food.” Dirt makes funny smells when it is microwaved especially if it has bits of manure in it.
“Speaking of manure, what is that funny smell in the car?” Evidently some of the sacks of freshly gathered cow manure leaked a bit (it was a bit runny) and got into the rug in the cargo area. My fault, I admit it, and I cleaned it up too.
“Speaking of cargo areas, pigs do not belong in the cargo area!” Hey, it was only one pig and it was only one time. How else was the caretaker supposed to get the pig home? Put it on a leash and walk it two kilometers on a main road? And at least I didn’t ask Metric Man to drive with a screaming pig in the car. Fussy, fussy, fussy.
“Do you have to make the orchid mix in the house?” Well, yes. I don’t have a sink outside. An outdoor sink would be very nice and I could keep the smells out of the house (my birthday is coming up – hint, hint).
“And boiling deer toes?” That was a low blow as it only occurred once many years ago and it was for a good cause. The Cub Scouts needed them for their Native American costumes. Dried deer toes make rattles and you can’t dry them without boiling them first.
“I smell ammonia.” Well, of course you do. I am using a pelleted fertilizer to boost the health of the fruit trees because they have been attacked by ants so many times that they are in a weakened state. Poor babies, they need a real boost.
“Do you have to spray insecticide so close to the house?” Again, that is an affirmative. Have you seen what the ants are doing to the angel trumpet? The hibiscus? Sometimes I have to squirt them with Raid or something to keep them safe.
As you can see, I have a logical reply (okay, maybe not about the pig) to every complaint. As for me, I just let the poor man vent now and then. He does put up with a lot. Now, excuse me, I need a shower before he complains about that, too . . . .